I love the scent of sketching pencils, it reminisces me about my childhood and times where everything was so trivial, dreams were vivid, real and the future bright.
I’ve been battling my anxiety since forever; oh ‘my lovely puppet’ has taken so many precious moments away leaving me feeling inadequate and useless. The whole past week had been a pure and utter nightmare. I’ve survived it slowly coming back to life. The worst part of it was that my speech became affected stammering, a memory loss, forgetting words had been my ‘daily guests’ for four days in a row, at some point of my misery, I found myself questioning if I’d gone mental or been possessed by some metaphysical creature…I’m being serious…I was in black despair… I was stuck in the well without water… blah, blah, blah… but you know what?
I haven’t given up and have tamed my lively puppet once again.
I refer to my anxiety as to the puppet, which is for God only knows reasons stuck with me for life. I don’t fight it, I live with it, when ‘it’ attempts to take over my life, I just remind myself that I’m ‘the master’ (yes, the master) of my body&soul not my ‘dear wild partner’. It usually works for me; I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks since the early childhood. I’ve been through very difficult moments. I’ve learnt different coping tactics; I’m aware what causes the attacks, but most important, I know myself and listen to my body and mind. I lead normal life, if you know me, you can’t really tell that I have a problem unless I disclose it. I’ve made peace with ‘my daemons’ and I live with them. I have better and worse days, when the worse day comes I just slow down a little (I’m a fairly busy and active person) reminding myself that I’m slightly different than others without anxiety.