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An embedded soul in the night sky.

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Injustice

Are you a working mum?

Mental Health See-Saw

Let’s talk about working parents for a minute. I’m heart broken and angry with the lack of regulations which would force employers to have clear policies and procedures in place for parents/carers. There is THE law which provides working mothers and fathers with a handful of rights but it also gives employers freedom of misinterpreting and misusing them.
I’m a mother of a child who is not even 12 months old yet and whenever she is unwell I feel sick to my stomach. I worry about her and I also face the lack of empathy or understanding from my employer.
A workplace should be a reasonably friendly place where you are productive as a professional doing your best. It shouldn’t be a place where you go to solely earn money and face discrimination due to being a parent and needing some time off to look after your child. It’s bad…

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Mind & Body

Your mind comes first and body follows after. If ones mind is in a bad state the body will deteriorate. I have neglected both of them over the years mistreating & abusing them mentally and physically. I feel like I have hit the rock bottom again. As a working mother I try to tackle multiple tasks at the same time. I work long hours and my job is of a physical nature. When I come home, spend time with my baby girl, put her to bed I face housework, dinner preparation, mandatory self- care and I just feel so exausted. A cheeky drink seems to relieve exaustion by giving me a false sense of having more strength than I really posses. It also seems to erase anxious thoughts and worries but it’s a short term solution. Does it really help? No !!! There is nothing wrong with a drink or two but for pleasure but not as energy drink. I need to focus on myself more and stop trying tick every single thing off my ‘to do’ list. I feel tired and exausted. The only people who keep me going are my partner and my daughter. I have become very negative. It will hopefully change.

I intend to plan meals in advance, make time to relax in the evening, be more positive by living in the moment without continuous overthinking.

I want to embrace my body and donate clothes that no longer fit me to a charity shop. My life has changed, my body has changed ! Currently, I’m in the new chapter of life. I haven’t lost my identity but I feel like I’m clinging to the past life constantly forgetting that I’m a mum now and have my own family. Donating clothes seems to me like a good start.

Love & peace to you all !!!

New Reality

What has changed in your life?

Mental Health See-Saw

I look at you and I can’t believe that you are my daughter. I feel overwhelmed. I don’t know what to think or how to identify all the feelings which are flooding me through a broken dam of life. Epidural still works wonders therefore I can’t feel any pain ( until 1 day later haha). All I know is that I love you more than I love my life. Since having you I have opened up more to others and have been actively dealing with anxiety without ‘sweeping’ problems under the carpet. Thank you P for making me a better person xxx

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Postpartum Body

What is your postpartum body image? Do you love your body?

Mental Health See-Saw

I’m 8 months postpartum and I still have 1.5 stone to loose to be pre- pregnancy weight. I used to think that I was FAT before I got pregnant. During pregnancy I put on 5 stones. I’ve lost 3.5 stones since giving birth and I’m learning how to love my body and myself again. I’m learning that throughout my adult life I had let myself to be brainwashed which had let me to swaying from size to size like an animal in the tree. When I weighed 11 stones I hated myself, when I weighed 10 stones I wasn’t good enough and when I weighed 9 stones I literally hadn’t had any breast left and felt not feminine. I had jumped up to 12 stones ( I had eaten away stress at work) and I felt appalled with myself. I became pregnant and my weight spiralled to triumphing 17 stones…

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Postpartum Body Image

What is your postpartum body image?

Mental Health See-Saw

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions recently. One side of me appreciates being back at work and the other side of me despises it to its very core. I miss spending days with P, I miss being with her and I’m annoyed that I waste my time & energy on dealing with various situations at work.

My anxiety hasn’t been kind to me. I just don’t feel happy, everything feels like a struggle, I force myself to smile and the only people who make me feel better are my daughter and my partner. I hope it will get better.

My body image is also getting me down. My body has changed a lot after pregnancy. I embrace my body and try my best to treat it as a temple. When my anxiety strikes it’s difficult because I feel sad and I automatically feel worthless. Do you want know what I…

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My Pride & Joy

Few words…

Mental Health See-Saw

I might be tired

I might be overworked

I might be anxious after a whole day at work

But when I enter the house and see my precious baby girl everything negative disappears and goes away. I’m able to distingush between what’s important and what’s trivial. I’m forever grateful for my daughter enabling me to do this.

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Breaking Back

Breaking Back

Mental Health See-Saw

Exactly, I have been dealing with ‘breaking back’, back pain, excruciating pain which drives me crazy. I had dealt with sciatica near the end of my pregnancy, went into labour, had an epidural (due to complications and because I just couldn’t take the pain anymore, to be exact, after 48 hours of being in labour and thriving on glorious gas & air) and I was relieved that I was pain free after giving birth to my baby girl until now…. It seems like sciatica pain has struck me again. My job is tiring- laugh out loud… I’m serious now, I dread it because I pull through the day to feel as if I’m paralysed in the evening. As I have already mentioned in my previous posts. I keep my sick days for real emergencies such as when my daughter doesn’t feel well.

We went to homeless shelter today to donate…

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Working Parent

Working families.

Mental Health See-Saw

First of all, I want to go home. I don’t want to be at work. I want to be at home with my baby who has a cold and is teething. Life is difficult and we have gotten bills to pay. I feel like I have been up and down with a cold. It has turned into sinusitis (as usual). P is still fighting her nasty cold and on the top of that going through teething. I would love to stay at home and just snuggle with her all day but I am not able too. I feel rotten. It feels like someone has punched you in the face. Honestly, I would rather go into labour with P again than deal with this pain. I must keep my sick days for my daughter when she needs me and in the meantime I can cope with painkillers. That’s the reality of…

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Germs = Cold

Germs= cold?

Mental Health See-Saw

We had spent almost an entire weekend fighting a nasty cold. We still managed to go swimming feeling fairly well. Unfortunately, it triggered an avalanche of cold related symptoms. It was still worth going because in the end of the day a common cold is not the end of the world and I refuse to protect my child from every single draught or bacteria. We had a great time and that’s what matters. Swimming helps your body & mind to relax, ease anxiety and develop gross motor skills in children. P was splasheing in the water and was trying to catch a ball. She made us proud.I had a horrendous anxiety attack on a Friday night. My manager is just a very unhappy person who simply targets every single individual at my workplace. It’s like everyone has a turn of bearing her complaints and unfair treatment. The reality is that…

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