I Hate Myselfย 

Life is real, Uncategorized

Do I hate myself? No, I don’t hate myself- I love myself  but I used to despise myself with the all mighty heart & soul. I thought I didn’t meet beauty standards and I mentally felt retarded because I’ve been highly sensitive, moody, introverted and scarred due to neglect and emotional abuse which occurred throughout my existence. I was disgusted with the size of my body, uneven colour of my skin, stretchmarks, loose skin, a big bum and funny teeth. I went through it all –  bullying, an eating disorder, anxiety, depression and panic attacks….

Remember, negative childhood doesn’t guarantee you unhappy life, same with the stable nest- it doesn’t protect you from the bad in the world. It depends on us- humans.

It took me a long while to realise it. I blamed everyone but me because I was convinced that my existence was pitiful and cursed. What I didn’t notice was that I was drawn to negative influences. I can compare it to standing in the middle of the motorway and waiting for being hit by a truck. When I decided to stay away from spiteful parasites and put my well-being on the first place things began to change for better.

Nature helped me a lot together with active meditation. Thich Nhat Hanh has been my mentor. He directed me (through his books) towards the path of mentally sober reality which needs to be challenged and constantly stimulated.  The mentally sober reality consist of better, neutral and worse experiences residing in our Universe. It solely depends on us of how we utilize them.

I’ve met good souls including my partner who supports me and understands me. He loves my good sides, emotional quirks and physical appearance – He loves me simply for who I am. Our relationship is based on mutual respect and honesty. He is my life partner whom I love for his true and real self. We are both equal.

I still find myself going through phases of self- pity and despair- especially when I have few obstacles to deal with but I have a better control over it as I know it has been my coping mechanism from as long I can remember. Nobody is perfect ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m proud of who I am today and so you should be. We all complex, different and unique.

Depression

Life is real

When you fall apart, pick up the broken pieces, clean up, take your time to heal and move on. Life goes on so are you & your Inner- Self. 

Remember, don’t rush… give yourself enough time to recover- 1 day, 1 week, 1 month , 1 year… Being hurt, loosing someone who was your partner or a family member, having a broken heart due to abandonment, loosing a job  or simply falling into a whirlpool of depression caused by the pressure of modern life have one thing in common- the need of time to heal. 

You are wonderful human being and even though it may not seem like it right now…life will get better as constant is only change ๐Ÿ˜Š Don’t give up and talk out loud about your feelings and emotions. 

I’m here to listen.  

Terrorismย 

Life is real

Any kind of terrorism is a form of cowardice and slavery. Who are the slaves? The slaves are the people who have been brain washed and are mentally prone to physically harming others. In their pathetically distorted minds they think that they fight for a greater cause e.g. ‘In the name of Allah’. Bullshit!!! Allah has nothing to do with it. Allah – the Heavenly Father as I would call him wouldn’t approve such thing. Islam in its purest form is a religion of peace same as Judaism or Christianity. The problem arises when wealthy Imams, Sheikhs, Priests, Pastors and Kohens manipulates Holy Books to attracts other’s attention, gain followers and achieve their goals by manipulating their flocks’ vulnerable minds. Nobody has any right to deprive another human being and their family of their life. Same thing applies to terrorism, there are wealthy bastards who are standing above the stage directing every move of terrorists who murder their victims. These brain-washed murderers are worth nothing to bastards who run the terrorist groups. They are just objects of no value. They are being convinced to commit crimes in order to be validated in the life after death.

 I hope there is going to be done more to eliminate the root of the problem not only just the stem. More restrictions need to be imposed in the society to control all the religious organisations. The goverments of the countries which are the nest for the heads of terrorist organisations should cooperate together with the rest of the world to destroy  the root of the problem not just the part of it. Only if we as people unite together in the name of peace and equality we will be able to stand against the barbarism which has been going on for years.

Rest In Peace the innocent People who have been killed all over the world. You haven’t deserved it. The justice will be done. Good always wins. Peace and respect are the key  to survival and conquering the barbarism. Muslim, Jewish, Christian , Buddhist, Hindu, Atheist and other brothers & sister please let’s all unite in the battle which consists of mutual respect & support to gain back the  peace and freedom. We are all equal regardless of our religion, beliefs, gender, ethnicity , nationality or sexuality !!!  

Abuse

Life is real

Don’t let others to change your personality. Don’t let them to tell you that there is something wrong with you. Long time ago, I let a person to manipulate me, it took me five long & painful years to break free. I’m healthy, strong and free. If you are in the abusive relationship or know someone who is in the toxic situation please help them. There are so many organisations to reach to. Sometimes, a simple conversation can be an eye opener or at least encouragement to work towards better future. 

Watch for these signs:

* You are blamed for everything you do

* You are never good enough no matter how hard you try 

* You are being called names 

* You are being mentally manipulated making you believe that you have a severe mental issue which can be changed with the solely help of  the abuser ( you will be magically healed as soon as you start behaving according to the abuser’s wishes)

* Your family is being blamed for your ‘poor mental state’ and you are being told to stay away from them

* You are allowed to go out but when you do so you are being ignored or exposed to abusive behaviour e.g. being yelled at for not making dinner or spending money at a piece of clothing

* You are being controlled

* You are exposed to violent behaviour towards material objects and then you are blamed for ‘causing’ it

* You feel threatened and constantly check if the things are done the way the abuser wants them to be 

* You are told that you are the biggest disappointment and cause of such miserable life the abuser is forced to lead because of you 

Please,  don’t hesitate to contact : 

http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

http://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

annhana22@icloud.com 

Shine bright and remember you are the most unique and wonderful person who has every right to expierience love , respect and joy !!! Life is beautiful ๐Ÿ˜Š 

Bonnie about my Job

Life is real

 Bonnie  sensed me worrying about work and told me in a polite way:

-” Girl keep your guts together and stop thinking about work and a toxic creature in there. She is sad and selfish. Remember people who try to influence you in a negative way are often unhappy with themselves so they try to transfer their negative energy on to you. Don’t let them win, know your rights, live your life and enjoy the sunshine! Wufff, wuff” ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š

Good Morning or Grumpy Beginning?

Life is real

When you wake up every two hours at night,

When your neighbour forgot the keys and made a very stupid decision to buzz your door to let her into the building at 12.20am,

When you wake up and realise that you are bloated due to hormonal monthly PMS and you need to start excercise more to combat lows and highs even though you don’t feel like it you are going to feel and look like this yellow tiny grumpy chicken above…. 

Good Day All !!! 

The Power of Nature

Life is real

The nature summons me to see its beauty. It fills my heart up with joy and tranquillity. Worries & fears are put on aside as they’ve lost mind destructing importance. I prioritize what’s urgent and what’s been caused by anxiety. Everything becomes clear, my eyes stay wide open and my mind sharp actively meditating.