Mother of the Year

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A Wondering Mind of a Pregnant Woman

Have you ever had a wandering mind?

Mental Health See-Saw

My mind often wonders in the most peculiar way. I contemplate about things which have taken place and possibilities which may occur. Recently, what has surprised me the most is the fact that I don’t enjoy my mother being nice and supportive towards me or rather towards her unborn grandaughter. I should be happy about her current state of mind but I’m not. It makes me angry and furious. She hasn’t been there for me when I needed her so why would I need her now!? I’ve been left to deal with the abusive marriage and ex years ago on my own. She decided to step back and focus on my ever so adoring brother and his ex partner. She wasn’t nowhere to be found? She never really took an interest in me as in an individual. I haven’t seen her for over six years and the fact that she…

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Toxic Family and Pregnancy

How can you stay sane when you deal with toxic family members?

Mental Health See-Saw

Where do I even begin?

How would you feel if your own mother didn’t respect you during pregnancy and was constantly jealous of your life? How would you feel if she made you feel guilty about ‘a better life’ ( according to her) because your brother is currently incarcerated for his own mistakes? How would you remain peaceful if she made you feel bad of the fact that other people were going to be involved more in looking after your baby daughter?

What if your therapist has opened your eyes by showing you that in fact you don’t have to entangle yourself in hours of meaningless, toxic and emotional conversation with your mother. They told you that she is an adult and it only depends on you if you allow her to mentally disturb you. If you contemplate on it you’ll assume that they are absolutely right. But there is…

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Religious Trap

What if you are stuck in the religious trap ?

Mental Health See-Saw

I have been through a lot, I have seen a lot and I have learnt a lot. What I have learnt about life is that it’s made of choices. We are decision makers not the Mighty God in heaven. Being brought up as a Roman Catholic I was always forced to believe that nothing is in my power, my destiny has been decided for me and I can’t do anything about it. I remember ( as a child) attending the mass at our local church and listening to a priest talking about sins, purgatory, hell and heaven. There was a set of rules to avoid further suffering after life ( the life is meant to be a nasty long trial which leads to heaven or hell) : confession, money donation, frequent church attendance, prayer, prayer, prayer and overwhelming fear of everything which might be considered evil ( because that surely…

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Bullied Soul

Bullying.

Mental Health See-Saw

Poor and innocent teenage soul on the verge of suicide due to lack of acceptance. It’s a simple game – if you don’t fit in you loose. Brought up Christian, escaped neutral believer and remained scarred for life. Your brain is complex, if you are blessed with exceptional perception of the world then you are gifted and cursed at the same time. Why? Because you are considered to be a Highly Sensitive Person who is not understood or recognised by common society. You are spat at with labels: “Shy”, “Queit”, “Introvert” and all you want to scream is- ” Mind your fucking business, you self labelled all mighty extrovert.” You want to breath and be yourself but you find it very hard in this shallow and constantly preying for your mistakes world. You escape to God in fear or in a clearer state of mind to Inner- Self trying to…

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Intrusive Thoughts

If you have ever suffered from anxiety, depression ( maybe both) or any other mental condition you will be able to relate to what I’m about to say.

Mental Health See-Saw

Today, I would like to talk about intrusive thoughts.

If you have ever suffered from anxiety, depression ( maybe both) or any other mental condition you will be able to relate to what I’m about to say.

First, how would you define ‘intrusive thoughts’ ? Let me give you my definition of it. If it was possible to present intrusive thoughts in the physical form they would look like a tangled mayhem of cables (which you can see in the picture below). There are many cables and cords of different types all mixed together. They represent your thoughts about the past, present and future. As you may know, if you are under the attack of intrusive thoughts you may feel like you’re lacking of the clarity of reality. Most likely, you are experiencing the feeling of going insane. You are under this impression because your brain tries to process so…

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Life is Precious

Life is precious. Always strive to improve it mentally.

Mental Health See-Saw

Your life is precious. Don’t neglect it but always strive for more to improve it. Remember, improving your existence doesn’t mean to gain more of the materialistic possessions. It means to acknowledge the present moment. The present moment is

– what you hear

– what you see

– what you smell

– what you physically sense

Stop for a moment and just look around you. Notice details of objects, people and nature surrounding you. Feel the ground under your feet, if you are holding a rail on a bus think about its colour and its surface. It’s very simple. This is what we call active meditation, by actively meditating you are allowing your mind to rest for a while.

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Eating Disorder

The story about my struggle with the eating disorder.

Mental Health See-Saw

I had suffered from an eating disorder for many years. I used to emotionally overeat (binge), starve myself and exercise in order to burn the calories I had consumed. It was impossible for me to eat in public places as I felt constantly observed and looked at by strangers. I hated my body and I felt ashamed of it. I avoided mirrors at any cost because in my opinion I didn’t meet the beauty standards. I mentally abused myself by calling my body & inner-self names-” Ugly pig”, “Disgusting fat monster”, “Fat retard”, “Fat looser”etc. I didn’t feel worth of being loved and cared for. I had isolated myself from the world and let the abuse from myself & my ex to take over my life.

It took me a long time to overcome horrible thoughts and overwhelming emotional state which encouraged frequent and regular binge eating sessions. I used…

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I Don’t Understand

There are many things which I can’t fully comprehend. For instance, I don’t understand people’s foolishness, violence and arrogance. How pathetic can you be to physically abuse any living creature?   How stupid can you be to pull out the gun and threat another human being with it?  Does it make you powerful and strong? OR Is it a safety net and some sort of aid for your rotting brain cells. Violence & cruelty is always a sign of weakness!!!  I am disgusted and angry that parasites like this are on the Earth. 

You Have the Power

Terrible news, horrible experiences, physical violence and mental abuse can harm & destroy you both mentally and physically. It’s hard to find the inner strength and hope during sad times. 

It’s important to keep in mind that bad time doesn’t last forever and our existence is made of negative, neutral and positive occurences. 

I know it doesn’t sound appealing to a person who has been suffering but right now PLEASE focus solely on yourself. If you are in the harmful environment PLEASE plan the great  escape. Eat healthy, sleep enough and rediscover your hobbies, wishes and desires. You are the the most wonderful & unique person who deserves the best in life. Only if you remove yourself from a negative situation that will be possible and healing process will take place.