An Email to My Younger Self

Precious Experiences

Remember you are like this flower- you are unique , weird and perfect in your own and wonderful way !!!!

What would you say to your younger self?

Mental Health SeeSaw

Dear Anna,

I would like to give you a big emotional hug and tell you of how wonderful, unique, loveable, funny and clever you are.

Next, I would encourage you to embrace your figure and body every single day. I would stop you from from obsessing about the food, binging to the point of being sick, starving and exercising to maintain the same weight.

I would try my best to befriend you and motivate you to make you proud of yourself. I would stop you from analysing all the conversations you had with people in your life. You frequently managed to give to yourself pressure headache. Can you remember it? Pressure headache was the result of your brain begging you to SLOW DOWN.

I would encourage you to listen to your beloved music, draw, sing very loud, paint, write and read whatever you like without constantly criticising yourself. I would…

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I Don’t Understand 

Life is real

There are many things which I can’t fully comprehend. For instance, I don’t understand people’s foolishness, violence and arrogance. How pathetic can you be to physically abuse any living creature?   How stupid can you be to pull out the gun and threat another human being with it?  Does it make you powerful and strong? OR Is it a safety net and some sort of aid for your rotting brain cells. Violence & cruelty is always a sign of weakness!!!  I am disgusted and angry that parasites like this are on the Earth. 

Crash 

Precious Experiences

What happens when a highly sensitive person flies high from the excitement to tragically crash and meet the sorrow combined with the reality?

Feelings of hurt, sadness , failure , disappointment and anger start to pour down into a pot of one’s existence.

Nobody wants to be a part of this situation, nobody wants to feel hurt and sad. How to avoid it? 

My advice is to remain ‘SOBER’ – a very strange thing to say but it’s quite possible to get ‘drunk’ with emotions and feelings. 

Think about it….

When you are overly negative, sad and angry then you can easily slip into the world of sadness and anxiety which may lead to depression. The same cycle stands for being constantly ecstatic and overexcited. You get this instant initial rush which makes you feel wonderful before falling off the cliff into the sea of the dull reality. 

If you are just able to find the golden middle and balance your emotions then you will save yourself a lot of heartache & energy.  Welcome to your life healthy enjoyment & sensible way of coping with not so glamorous happenings. Active meditation and acknowledgement of the present moment is crucial in this process. By exercising your mind in to noticing details of ‘ here & now’ you will prevent your brain from overheating which will allow you to stay on the right track instead of tripping over the excess of the modern world.

Abuse

Life is real

Don’t let others to change your personality. Don’t let them to tell you that there is something wrong with you. Long time ago, I let a person to manipulate me, it took me five long & painful years to break free. I’m healthy, strong and free. If you are in the abusive relationship or know someone who is in the toxic situation please help them. There are so many organisations to reach to. Sometimes, a simple conversation can be an eye opener or at least encouragement to work towards better future. 

Watch for these signs:

* You are blamed for everything you do

* You are never good enough no matter how hard you try 

* You are being called names 

* You are being mentally manipulated making you believe that you have a severe mental issue which can be changed with the solely help of  the abuser ( you will be magically healed as soon as you start behaving according to the abuser’s wishes)

* Your family is being blamed for your ‘poor mental state’ and you are being told to stay away from them

* You are allowed to go out but when you do so you are being ignored or exposed to abusive behaviour e.g. being yelled at for not making dinner or spending money at a piece of clothing

* You are being controlled

* You are exposed to violent behaviour towards material objects and then you are blamed for ‘causing’ it

* You feel threatened and constantly check if the things are done the way the abuser wants them to be 

* You are told that you are the biggest disappointment and cause of such miserable life the abuser is forced to lead because of you 

Please,  don’t hesitate to contact : 

http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

http://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

annhana22@icloud.com 

Shine bright and remember you are the most unique and wonderful person who has every right to expierience love , respect and joy !!! Life is beautiful 😊 

Life Happens and Abuse Occurs

Life is real

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Once upon a time there was a beautiful rose, her petals were crimson, leaves emerald green, and thorns copper. Rose was flourishing rapidly making her Granny proud. Unfortunately, she was swayed by ‘goodness’ of the heart’  of a manic protagonist of evil manipulation disguised as a respectful Gardener of Eden. Rose thought that she made the right choice by staying with him but for some unknown reason she slowly began to change:  her petals darkened, leaves wilted, thorns hardened, and stem blackened. Rose was puzzled and troubled by her appearance while tolerating villainous acts of rage courtesy of Gardener of Eden. She had never been good enough but instead criticised, ostracised, and blamed for  the misfortune that had occurred in Gardener’s life. Rose was slowly withering, and clinging to the hope of a new better day . The days were grey and the nights were thickly black, she woke up on Wednesday morning and said-‘Enough is enough’, she wanted to leave but Gardener begged her to stay. Rose was swayed by those empty and dirty lies and stayed with a Shambolic Creature for little bit longer. The history had repeated itself again and Rose changed. She had learnt to ignore and avoid  Gardener as much as she could focusing on the growth and development of her inner self even though she was labelled the biggest weed of the pathetic bush.

On Monday, a friend gave Rose a book about emotional abuse, at first, Rose didn’t want to read it as she was afraid of the truth. She swallowed  her new survival Bible all in one night while being devoured by relief, anger, fear, sadness and frustration. She couldn’t believe what her eyes just saw, she thought- ‘No, it can’t be true, I can’t be the victim.’ She had tried to help  Gardener to cope with his demons but he refused to cooperate. Days and nights had gone by for Rose dreaming about different life but nothing changed. On Sunday, another outburst had occurred, but that time something popped inside Rose, and she spoke to her perpetrator, her voice was loud and clear, she said-‘ You do not have any right to talk to me like this, I am a human being not an object, do not abuse me verbally !’ The Gardener looked shocked and surprised and straight away started justfying his actions blaming Rose for provoking him but she didn’t listen and left the field. Rose promised herself to leave. She had become focused on the life outside the field. The Gardener lost his interest engulfing himself in outings with fellow idiots. Rose had worked hard slowly building the courage to free herself but still felt lost and afraid. After visiting her friend in a foreign country, she was blessed with a vision of what to do next. When she came back to the field full of bitterness and venom she pursued her plans to evacuate. She had begun preparing herself financially and emotionally and finally left.

If you are in the emotionally abusive relationship and you are being manipulated by your partner you may not notice the actual problem straight away. Deep down you know that something is wrong but still you try to justify her/his actions. It takes great courage to stand up for yourself and rebuild your life but once you realise that you are an amazing and unique human being who deserve the best from the universe everything will get somehow easier. It is important to remember to be very careful while planning each step on the way to freedom. They key is to prepare yourself financially and emotionally and I am almost there 🙂

Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about your situation. Talk about it, you deserve respect and peace in your life. It took me 5,5 years to mature to this decision and will take few months more to leave.

A very helpful website with useful information about emotional abuse:

http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse