Do I hate myself? No, I don’t hate myself- I love myself but I used to despise myself with the all mighty heart & soul. I thought I didn’t meet beauty standards and I mentally felt retarded because I’ve been highly sensitive, moody, introverted and scarred due to neglect and emotional abuse which occurred throughout my existence. I was disgusted with the size of my body, uneven colour of my skin, stretchmarks, loose skin, a big bum and funny teeth. I went through it all – bullying, an eating disorder, anxiety, depression and panic attacks….
Remember, negative childhood doesn’t guarantee you unhappy life, same with the stable nest- it doesn’t protect you from the bad in the world. It depends on us- humans.
It took me a long while to realise it. I blamed everyone but me because I was convinced that my existence was pitiful and cursed. What I didn’t notice was that I was drawn to negative influences. I can compare it to standing in the middle of the motorway and waiting for being hit by a truck. When I decided to stay away from spiteful parasites and put my well-being on the first place things began to change for better.
Nature helped me a lot together with active meditation. Thich Nhat Hanh has been my mentor. He directed me (through his books) towards the path of mentally sober reality which needs to be challenged and constantly stimulated. The mentally sober reality consist of better, neutral and worse experiences residing in our Universe. It solely depends on us of how we utilize them.
I’ve met good souls including my partner who supports me and understands me. He loves my good sides, emotional quirks and physical appearance – He loves me simply for who I am. Our relationship is based on mutual respect and honesty. He is my life partner whom I love for his true and real self. We are both equal.
I still find myself going through phases of self- pity and despair- especially when I have few obstacles to deal with but I have a better control over it as I know it has been my coping mechanism from as long I can remember. Nobody is perfect 🙂
I’m proud of who I am today and so you should be. We all complex, different and unique.
This is Boris
A male cat who is strong & resilient. He was found under the bridge 14 years ago. He was weak, bruised, injured & scared. It took him a while to heal but in the end he took a major step and began to gradually build a relationship with us based on trust & love. It seems that he left his dark past behind and started a new life. We all could learn from him. I know life injures and scars us but it’s never to late to start AGAIN AND BE FULFILLED!!!
There are three steps to do that:
1. Realisation of the negative experience and its impact on our lives .
2. Acceptance of the negative experience and the beggining of living our life ‘HERE & NOW ‘ – the importance of being in the present moment and embracing the wonderful visual, verbal & physical things of the surrounding world while focusing on the nature and meditation.
3. Practising living in the present moment and welcoming new life experiences.
Please be aware that it’s impossible to erase the past. The key to forgiveness is acceptance and self-care. In order to heal emotional and mental wounds we must look after ourselves. It’s not about justifying wrong actions of those who have hurt us but its about solely focusing on ourselves and staying away from toxicity of our perpetrators. We are all unique and special. We deserve respect.
If you have suicidal thoughts or if you are a victim of bullying, domestic mental & physical abuse, neglect, rape or any other kind mistreatment please don’t be afraid to share your pain & sadness. Life is beautiful full of surprises.
Remember you are a unique human being 😊
The nature summons me to see its beauty. It fills my heart up with joy and tranquillity. Worries & fears are put on aside as they’ve lost mind destructing importance. I prioritize what’s urgent and what’s been caused by anxiety. Everything becomes clear, my eyes stay wide open and my mind sharp actively meditating.