I imagine life to be an endless well without a bottom. Someone placed you just on the edge of it before you were born and then after birth pushed you down into a never-ending hole wishing you – ”The best of luck’. This is where your life begins. You constantly fall at a speed that changes frequently. A slower pace is equal to good periods of your existence and a faster speed means problematic occurrences.
Few years ago I was afraid of my well because I had experienced so much negativity during childhood, puberty and early adulthood. My father is a recovering alcoholic, my mother suffered from anxiety & depression, I had been bullied at school for three years, I had been married for five years to a person who had abused me emotionally and physically, I had suffered from an eating disorder and a depression and finally I have had anxiety since I was seven – years old. It occasionally affects my speech.
I know very well that other people have struggled with a lot more than I ever did. Please, remember that everyone has their own limit and different happenings affect them in various ways. I’m not looking for any compassion but I want to share with you what I have learnt from my experiences.
I tried so hard to run away from life . I hid from it, I looked for a reason of me being unhappy but I forgot about one important aspect- it was me who put myself in certain positions and situations because I focused so much on being lonely, sad & unhappy.
One day, I woke up, looked in the mirror and told myself – ‘ You are great, beautiful, talented because you are unique. There is no other person like you on the planet Earth. You can sob and complain about your life or change it.’
It took me three years to free myself from my ex husband. It took me another two years to gain back my confidence and happiness by appreciating the presence and what the Universe has given me. I keep in touch with my parents. I don’t hold any grudges. It’s not a fairy tale, my life hasn’t magically changed. My existence is still far from being perfect. I struggle with things, I have problems like everybody else but I’m lucky because I’ve found myself. I have discovered the appreciation and gratitude for simple things in life. My inner self who had been suffocated and strangled by my fears for atleast 15 years is finally present in my life. It consoles my soul and soothes my heart.
Sometimes, my brain “feels like porridge”, I swear it does, however ridiculous it sounds. “Porridge brain” happens when to many things occupy my world, when personal problems and dilemmas gather together, when lovely and dear people who are above me at work cause me to scream internally (they just love the moments of making other people’s lives miserable), and on the top of that my laptop passed away…. R.I.P.
Coming back to the topic of work…