Up-Side-Down

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When you move house everything feels up-side-down. There a boxes everywhere together with a newly adopted cat… Farah Von Mittens. It’s beautifully challenging but we’ve done great as a team with a newly added male feline. Our love is based on respect and mutual understanding which makes us both happy. Tomorrow is going to be another day of unpacking & decorating.

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Bonnie’s Golden Thoughts

The world

Bonnie says- ‘Be proud of who you are – you great & complicated human creature. Don’t ever let anyone to patronize you or disrespect you. If someone does it to you try your best to remove yourself from the toxic interaction. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t let your thoughts to devour your healthy mind. Share your feelings and never dwell on your problems alone!!!’

Ms Beetle & Mr Mittens are Goldilocks Exterminators

Surreal thoughts

 

This is what word looks like from Ms Bettle and Mr Mittens’ point of view. Ms Bettle is of a female hormonal kind. She lives in the cosy spot with Mr Mittens somewhere in the middle of the meadow in the big city surrounded by parks. They both enjoy soft tunes of the wind, breezy mornings and neighbours of different species- one of them is called Tony, a giant goose who drops everything he tries to carry with the loud- BANG & BOOM. They both admire nature and speak softly about the existence. They both suffer from  flactulence from over frequent consumption of dairy. She is a little philosopher who doesn’t give a fuck about the materialistic world but appreciates simplicity and surrealism which is present in everyday life.  He is unique himself with wild & sarcastic sense of humour. He is intelligent and bases his contemplations and thoughts on scientific and everyday life knowledge. Ms Bettle & Mr Mittens complete eachother and complement eachother’s quirks and super-special powers.

Love

Peace

Respect

Uniqueness

The House Of Love

Life is real

A smile put on a face by someone who resides in your heart is a wonderful gift and blessing. 

Common Goals & Affection prepare the ground to build a concrete base for the relationship. 

Mutual acceptance & respect build a strong foundation.

Love & Friendship crafts intricate walls of the union of two people.

Care & Interests make a leakage proof roof.

Understanding & Tolerance install insulation.

All of the above build a steel door of the union, love & relationship of two people who have equally been working hard on their beautiful  creation.

I love you  xxx 

A Deluded Creature

Life is real

How far can a deluded creature wander? Why does a deluded creature refuse to take responsibility for its own actions? It’s so easy to walk in circles justifying misery and own misfortune. A deluded creature finds preying on the lives of others very consoling and soothing. I can compare it  to feeding an unfulfilled beast inside their bodies. I’m saddened by the fact that a deluded creature refuses to take life in its hands and move on. It keeps spying on others,  blames those around them, rejects beauty of life and a miracle of their own family. A deluded creature keeps poisoning not only its own life but lives of people affected by its distorted thinking path. 

Being an adult means making decisions, being responsible and appreciating time left on this Earth attracting and embracing positive energy. It also means filtering people who enter and exit your life. Adults are capable of taking care of themselves. The skid mark of pain that resides in solitude can mentally affect anyone on this planet but it doesn’t take away your brain. If you crave for company occupy yourself, meet with friends & go out  (even for a walk). If you crave for love but don’t have anyone in your life call your Mum, Dad, Nan, a cousin, a niece or any existing relative and tell them how much you love them. If you have a child focus on your child. Your child is the most amazing human being who is your closest living relative and who loves you unconditionally. Respect your friends,  never let friendship to cross boundaries to become ‘friends with benefits’ crap, do you know why? Because you will most likely become intangled in it & hurt. There won’t be any guilty sides as you have never been forced into anything or foolishly promised sky coated clouds in marshmallows. 

I have been through a lot in my life. I have been taught a lot. I don’t consider myself broken or vulnerable ( as one deluded creature has insinuated). I bear the scars of my life experiences with pride and joy because they have made me of who I’m today- a strong and independent woman who embraces her life. My anxiety has always been my partner for life- my dear puppet- yet we’ve made it work in a way that has helped me and other fighters who refuse to give up same as me. At this point in my life I’m ready for a grown up relationship that will lead to start my own family of bears. I have been lucky enough to find and be blessed with a life partner and a soulmate who is ready for and wants the same thing. We both learn from our strong points & imperfections. 

A state of being a deluded creature who is slowly changing in to a rotting leech is changeable and it’s only up to that poor deluded creature to start taking care of its own life leaving its past behind focusing on the present moment.

Life Happens and Abuse Occurs

Life is real

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Once upon a time there was a beautiful rose, her petals were crimson, leaves emerald green, and thorns copper. Rose was flourishing rapidly making her Granny proud. Unfortunately, she was swayed by ‘goodness’ of the heart’  of a manic protagonist of evil manipulation disguised as a respectful Gardener of Eden. Rose thought that she made the right choice by staying with him but for some unknown reason she slowly began to change:  her petals darkened, leaves wilted, thorns hardened, and stem blackened. Rose was puzzled and troubled by her appearance while tolerating villainous acts of rage courtesy of Gardener of Eden. She had never been good enough but instead criticised, ostracised, and blamed for  the misfortune that had occurred in Gardener’s life. Rose was slowly withering, and clinging to the hope of a new better day . The days were grey and the nights were thickly black, she woke up on Wednesday morning and said-‘Enough is enough’, she wanted to leave but Gardener begged her to stay. Rose was swayed by those empty and dirty lies and stayed with a Shambolic Creature for little bit longer. The history had repeated itself again and Rose changed. She had learnt to ignore and avoid  Gardener as much as she could focusing on the growth and development of her inner self even though she was labelled the biggest weed of the pathetic bush.

On Monday, a friend gave Rose a book about emotional abuse, at first, Rose didn’t want to read it as she was afraid of the truth. She swallowed  her new survival Bible all in one night while being devoured by relief, anger, fear, sadness and frustration. She couldn’t believe what her eyes just saw, she thought- ‘No, it can’t be true, I can’t be the victim.’ She had tried to help  Gardener to cope with his demons but he refused to cooperate. Days and nights had gone by for Rose dreaming about different life but nothing changed. On Sunday, another outburst had occurred, but that time something popped inside Rose, and she spoke to her perpetrator, her voice was loud and clear, she said-‘ You do not have any right to talk to me like this, I am a human being not an object, do not abuse me verbally !’ The Gardener looked shocked and surprised and straight away started justfying his actions blaming Rose for provoking him but she didn’t listen and left the field. Rose promised herself to leave. She had become focused on the life outside the field. The Gardener lost his interest engulfing himself in outings with fellow idiots. Rose had worked hard slowly building the courage to free herself but still felt lost and afraid. After visiting her friend in a foreign country, she was blessed with a vision of what to do next. When she came back to the field full of bitterness and venom she pursued her plans to evacuate. She had begun preparing herself financially and emotionally and finally left.

If you are in the emotionally abusive relationship and you are being manipulated by your partner you may not notice the actual problem straight away. Deep down you know that something is wrong but still you try to justify her/his actions. It takes great courage to stand up for yourself and rebuild your life but once you realise that you are an amazing and unique human being who deserve the best from the universe everything will get somehow easier. It is important to remember to be very careful while planning each step on the way to freedom. They key is to prepare yourself financially and emotionally and I am almost there 🙂

Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about your situation. Talk about it, you deserve respect and peace in your life. It took me 5,5 years to mature to this decision and will take few months more to leave.

A very helpful website with useful information about emotional abuse:

http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse