Sweet Talking

Keep sweet talking to me…

Mental Health See-Saw

I SEE
OH I SEE
THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYE
OH WHAT A LOOK
THE ANGER I SEE
COULD MAKE FLESH COOK
BUT WHAT I HEAR
OH DEAR
WHAT I HEAR
YOU KEEP SWEET TALKING ME
KEEP THAT SWEET TALKING
KEEP THAT SWEET TALKING COMING
THOSE SUGAR WORDS TASTE FOUL
AND I KNOW
THE PAST YOU TOOK
THE PRESENT YOU LOOK
AND THE FUTURE WON’T BE THE SAME
YOU KEEP SWEET TALKING ME
KEEP THAT SWEET TALKING
KEEP THAT SWEET TALKING COMING
THOSE SUGARY VOWELS HOWL
THE PAST YOU TOOK
THE PRESENT YOU LOOK
AND THE FUTURE WON’T BE THE SAME

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Mother of the Year

Grey Thoughts

Grey thoughts are blooming in my head like rotten apples dying in the tree. Drops of rain falling on my face keep me awake. I try to fall to sleep but I can’t because being in a coma doesn’t sound appealing to me at all. I don’t feel myself anymore. I’m just a machine who is programmed to live among other people. The last ounce of human carcass in my heart admires the nature. I’m sleepy and I’m tired. Goodnight Misery. Welcome blissful state of mind.

Toxic Family and Pregnancy

How can you stay sane when you deal with toxic family members?

Mental Health See-Saw

Where do I even begin?

How would you feel if your own mother didn’t respect you during pregnancy and was constantly jealous of your life? How would you feel if she made you feel guilty about ‘a better life’ ( according to her) because your brother is currently incarcerated for his own mistakes? How would you remain peaceful if she made you feel bad of the fact that other people were going to be involved more in looking after your baby daughter?

What if your therapist has opened your eyes by showing you that in fact you don’t have to entangle yourself in hours of meaningless, toxic and emotional conversation with your mother. They told you that she is an adult and it only depends on you if you allow her to mentally disturb you. If you contemplate on it you’ll assume that they are absolutely right. But there is…

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Dear Mother

Rotten flesh that was left behind my deluded soul. Open wounds and neverending grief courtesy of mental paranormal activities. Unscattered exposed brain presented to the world in the most mesmerising way.

Don’t laugh at me.

Leave me alone.

You don’t understand me.

Don’t change me.

You’ve failed to do it mother.

Rage. Sadness. Anger. Why can’t you understand me? Perhaps you are trapped in your own world while feeding of others like a fucking parasite. Compensating me for your self-appaling ignorance materialisticly won’t console your guilty conscience.

Don’t laught at me.

Don’t ignore me.

Leave me alone.

Let me breath.

You don’t understand me.

Don’t change me.

You’ve failed to do it mother.

Surrounded by demonic potency of the Inner-Self I reach the Garden of Eden. I skipped the Purgatory.

Surprised?

Such an incessant matter of you being constantly unlucky and dissapointed in your own existence. I acquired freedom from my sins.

Don’t laugh at me.

Don’t ignore me.

Leave me alone.

Let me breath.

You don’t understand me.

You’ve failed to do it mother.

I won’t return your love because you were frozen when I needed you the most.

Bonnie’s Golden Thoughts

Bonnie says- ‘Be proud of who you are – you great & complicated human creature. Don’t ever let anyone to patronize you or disrespect you. If someone does it to you try your best to remove yourself from the toxic interaction. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t let your thoughts to devour your healthy mind. Share your feelings and never dwell on your problems alone!!!’

Anxious Existence After the Incident

How to cope with anxiety after the incident? How to cope with its symptoms? What does it feel like to be struck by the anxiety attack?

Mental Health See-Saw

When you live with anxiety for many years you get use to it. It becomes your partner for life. It’s not the most pleasant acquaintance of all times. I would say you treat it as a very annoying colleague from work who happens to sit next to you. You can’t get rid of them (obviously) or completely separate yourself from their presence. You just work out your own clever ways to exist alongside them leading fairly good & satisfying life ( if you’ve already learnt to appreciate it). At times, you don’t even notice them anymore. You treat them as something completely acceptable and relatively easy to deal with. Until…. until something unexpectedly unpleasant happens. You come up against the problem like a champion leaving others amazed of how well you handled the issue. You are proud of yourself but deep down you know that you are about to be…

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Eating Disorder

The story about my struggle with the eating disorder.

Mental Health See-Saw

I had suffered from an eating disorder for many years. I used to emotionally overeat (binge), starve myself and exercise in order to burn the calories I had consumed. It was impossible for me to eat in public places as I felt constantly observed and looked at by strangers. I hated my body and I felt ashamed of it. I avoided mirrors at any cost because in my opinion I didn’t meet the beauty standards. I mentally abused myself by calling my body & inner-self names-” Ugly pig”, “Disgusting fat monster”, “Fat retard”, “Fat looser”etc. I didn’t feel worth of being loved and cared for. I had isolated myself from the world and let the abuse from myself & my ex to take over my life.

It took me a long time to overcome horrible thoughts and overwhelming emotional state which encouraged frequent and regular binge eating sessions. I used…

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Protection

It’s sad to see that people choose wrong paths due to bad life experiences. I have witnessed transformations into selfish , self- centred creatures multiple times. It’s has made me wonder why does it occur so often. 

The thought which comes first in to my mind is ‘protection’. Protection from the world, negative people and situations which caused worries and troubles in the past. It gives people a sense of control over their fate and the Universe which is quite helpful because it creates space for healing. The problem arises when a person who has healed rejects admirable values they were known to live by. The rejection of nobility is the easiest option but it disagrees with the inner- self which deep down sounds the alarm of the conflict. The alarm is heard above the surface. Nothing is done about it- the ignorance jumps into place causing even more confusion. Time goes by and the affected individual either changes themselves revealing their true colours or remains in the blisfull false ignorance.  

Therapy

The best form of the therapy is interaction with the nature. –

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