Dead Inside

What path are you walking?

Mental Health See-Saw

I have

No reason to explain the illogical path I am walking

Drawing water from a well, turning on a tap

These all bring the same results

Walking from A to B can take hours or days

Though road is littered at the sides

Travelling through a seamlessly clear path

Unaware of the waste we pass

Drawing water from a well

Draws more breathes

Than when I turn on a tap

One place will make me ache

Another will push me to intoxicate

Each will make me sleep

Each will

Wake me up blind

And go to sleep awake

The day passes by

My thoughts

Dwelling on my mistakes

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Worrying

What do you do when you worry?

Mental Health See-Saw

If you suffer from anxiety I bet that you worry a lot. Worrying acts like a cushion protecting you from falling down into the abyss of anxiety. You are convinced that you need it because you would be lost without it. You keep telling yourself and others who have noticed your worrying pattern that it’s always good to have ‘a plan b’. Deep inside you are tired but you are ploughing through to keep yourself and your loved ones ‘safe’. Are they really safe? How can you protect them? You can protect them by being a good and sensible human being. Your plan won’t save them, your plan gives you a false impression that you would protect them. In reality, you waste your time, the time you could spend with your loved ones instead of planning.

If you ever worry and start making a plan based on anxious thoughts and…

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A Thought of the Day

Be brave like a ladybird who climbs up the hood of a pram to reach the tree ( the tree symbolises your goals).

Anxiety

Open your eyes and your mind…

Mental Health See-Saw

A friend of mine

The worst enemy

An eye opener

A haunting nightmare

A heart breaker

An empathetic friend who reminds me of the core value of our distorted world

A disabling partner for life

It seems to be the worst curse to carry around yet I feel blessed to be a part of it. I have mastered cohabiting with anxiety.

I’ve made a tiny room in my soul for anxiety so it doesn’t feel rejected, and it doesn’t rebel to be heard or be understood because I know it so well.

I know it same as I know the darkest side of my unique and rebelious INNER CHILD.

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Initial Thoughts

Parenthood…. initial thoughts !!!

Mental Health See-Saw

It’s been almost two weeks since our baby girl was born.

It’s been a challenge to gather thoughts and categorise them.

It’s been a turbulent ride of feelings and emotions.

It’s also been a wonderful time of a unique life transformation.

It’s been, it’s been… a journey of a lifetime.

Second of all, I want to say that nobody talks about postpartum mental and physical recovery of both parents. When you are pregnant you are bombarded with information about antenatal care, you are given basic info about postantal care but nobody really goes into details. Postanatal recovery is an individual process of bonding, healing ( mentally & physically) and accepting the new reality for both parents. After few first days with my newborn the reality of having a third person in the household ( apart from pur demanding feline kids) has struck me hard. I’ve realised that this little person…

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Freedom of Speech

I refuse to obey social and cultural customs

I make my own rules

I follow them

I cherish them

Nobody can change my thinking

Nobody can change me as a person

I’m the master of my own revolution

Rainbow

If you can’t see the rainbow after the storm make one yourself. The fortune is in your own hands and awaiting your approval !!!

Dear Twats

Dear Twats,

Dear Twats whom I may have known for a while and who reside on this beautiful and decying planet of Earth. I’ve had enough of your

parasitic,

narcissistic,

delusive

and

false

ways of interacting with other human beings. You are creatures of a betraying nature and most of all you use mental health as the main weapon of your choice. You have a beeping radar directed at people for whom mental health is extremely important. Your narcisitic nature allows you to adjust to people by getting to know them and changing your colours accordingly to their likes and deslikes. Somehow your attire is comparable to a lizard’s skin but you obviously don’t deserve this highly gracious comparison.

I would classify you as a pile of SHIT. A Pile of Shit is a person WHO changes their consistency depending on food eaten during the day.

The Pile of Shit is usually a puddle of foul content of wrongly digested edible matter. It’s like you, you devour people’s soul, you can’t digest it so you violently expel it using your anal & rectal ego and lies. When the conflict arises, you justify all your actions and behaviour blaming it on POOR SELF ESTEEM & BEING LOST.

Oh how sad !!!

Poor you, you are taken care of, carassed with self pity and when the pitty, bumpy surface of a friendship is smooth once again you repeat your offence over and over and over again.

Go back to the sewage.

Not so kind regards,

Victims of Twats in this world

Grey Thoughts

Grey thoughts are blooming in my head like rotten apples dying in the tree. Drops of rain falling on my face keep me awake. I try to fall to sleep but I can’t because being in a coma doesn’t sound appealing to me at all. I don’t feel myself anymore. I’m just a machine who is programmed to live among other people. The last ounce of human carcass in my heart admires the nature. I’m sleepy and I’m tired. Goodnight Misery. Welcome blissful state of mind.

Toxic Family and Pregnancy

How can you stay sane when you deal with toxic family members?

Mental Health See-Saw

Where do I even begin?

How would you feel if your own mother didn’t respect you during pregnancy and was constantly jealous of your life? How would you feel if she made you feel guilty about ‘a better life’ ( according to her) because your brother is currently incarcerated for his own mistakes? How would you remain peaceful if she made you feel bad of the fact that other people were going to be involved more in looking after your baby daughter?

What if your therapist has opened your eyes by showing you that in fact you don’t have to entangle yourself in hours of meaningless, toxic and emotional conversation with your mother. They told you that she is an adult and it only depends on you if you allow her to mentally disturb you. If you contemplate on it you’ll assume that they are absolutely right. But there is…

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