Dear Mother

Surreal thoughts

Rotten flesh that was left behind my deluded soul. Open wounds and neverending grief courtesy of mental paranormal activities. Unscattered exposed brain presented to the world in the most mesmerising way.

Don’t laugh at me.

Leave me alone.

You don’t understand me.

Don’t change me.

You’ve failed to do it mother.

Rage. Sadness. Anger. Why can’t you understand me? Perhaps you are trapped in your own world while feeding of others like a fucking parasite. Compensating me for your self-appaling ignorance materialisticly won’t console your guilty conscience.

Don’t laught at me.

Don’t ignore me.

Leave me alone.

Let me breath.

You don’t understand me.

Don’t change me.

You’ve failed to do it mother.

Surrounded by demonic potency of the Inner-Self I reach the Garden of Eden. I skipped the Purgatory.

Surprised?

Such an incessant matter of you being constantly unlucky and dissapointed in your own existence. I acquired freedom from my sins.

Don’t laugh at me.

Don’t ignore me.

Leave me alone.

Let me breath.

You don’t understand me.

You’ve failed to do it mother.

I won’t return your love because you were frozen when I needed you the most.

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Fear of Motherhood

Life is real

How to hope with the fear of motherhood?

Mental Health SeeSaw

Congratulations if you are pregnant.

If you are trying to conceive- Good Luck.

If you are thinking to conceive but are flooded with fear and doubts my advice to you is: go for it, there is never a perfect time or an opportunity to have a child. Life is full of hurdles so if you really want fo bring a new life into this twisted but wonderful world just do it.

Life without a child as a couple is very convenient. You are solely responsible for yourselves, indulging in existence is joyful and planning expenses is much easier because you don’t bear the burden of making sure that a tiny human being who is not capable of sustaining their basic needs entirely relies on your physical, mental and financial support. I’m going to be brutally honest with you, as a mum to be, I’m terrified of that whole new sense…

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Festivities of Annoyance

Motivational Blib Blob

During this pre-festive period there a many people who are willing to play a tune of annoyance to you. Each of them is very, very unique and individual. They just know how to strike a chord to irritate you and make you feel like you want to rip the hair off your head. My advice to you is to actively meditate. The active meditation is made of conscious presence in the reality and ignorance of stupidity happening around you.

For instance, I like to switch off and focus on my Christmas tree. I admire the ornaments, their colours, a tree and its needles. I find it therapeutic and calming.

But still… why is the world full of twats?

Calling of the Inner-Voice

Surreal thoughts

The tune of my soul is sort of psychodelic and atmospheric which makes the whole song orgasmic and that’s what I look for in music, music for me has always been a kind of drug which can take over your brain making the reality more bereable for the duration of the song ( at least).

I usually keep this part of myself locked tightly in the box in the corner of my mind. This part should remain open because it’s a vital piece of my Inner- Self and the Inner- Self is mainly who I really Am- the Inner- Self is my unscattered soul. I have conformed to the rules of society to stay afloat in order to survive and build a fort which would protect me from people who don’t understand me. My soul is wild and relies on the artistic stimulants, it craves nature, looks for the meaning of life which resides in Buddhism, it misses howling wolves in the deep dark wild woods, the true home is out there in the middle of greenery covered with the blanket of dew drops among the crimson red twigs which joyfully pierce my shattered soul preparing it for eternal rest where it belongs.

Pregnant Mental Chaos

Precious Experiences

First hand experience of pregnant mental chaos…

Mental Health SeeSaw

When you are trying for a baby and you are first time parent you read a lot, you anticipate and imagine what’s going to be like to carry a child under your heart and give birth to them. You go through different scenarious, you even dare to think that you are strong enough to be in control of your body & mind throughout the whole pregnancy and others who can’t cope are weak attention seekers.

You do a pregnancy test and you find out that you are in fact pregnant. You are overwhelmed and overjoyed with this wonderful news. You can’t believe your own eyes so you take one, two, three, four tests to just make sure that you are REALLY pregnant. You find a group of women on the internet who advise you that it’s best to control the raising level of pregnancy hormone by purchasing three digital pregnancy…

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Religious Trap

Precious Experiences

What if you are stuck in the religious trap ?

Mental Health SeeSaw

I have been through a lot, I have seen a lot and I have learnt a lot. What I have learnt about life is that it’s made of choices. We are decision makers not the Mighty God in heaven. Being brought up as a Roman Catholic I was always forced to believe that nothing is in my power, my destiny has been decided for me and I can’t do anything about it. I remember ( as a child) attending the mass at our local church and listening to a priest talking about sins, purgatory, hell and heaven. There was a set of rules to avoid further suffering after life ( the life is meant to be a nasty long trial which leads to heaven or hell) : confession, money donation, frequent church attendance, prayer, prayer, prayer and overwhelming fear of everything which might be considered evil ( because that surely…

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You are Stronger than You Think

Motivational Blib Blob

Stay strong….

Mental Health SeeSaw

You are stronger than you think. There are obstacles ahead of you but with faith in yourself and perseverence you are able to overcome them with great balance and pride.

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Hypocrite due to Difficulties

Life is real

Hypocrite due to difficulties….

Mental Health SeeSaw

I often talk about the benefits and healing properties of active meditation. I’m known of giving tips and advice how to succesful free your mind from tge realms of ovewhelming stress.

I’d always thought that I had it perfectly mastered. Oh, how I was wrong. Today, I needed to go outside to relax and collect my thoughts due to being under stress. I decided that it was a perfect opportunity to activately meditate. I tried it and I failed. My mind was so occupied with anxiety and negative predictions that it felt like it was being devoured by an alligator.

I had stopped it and insted focused on a picture on the fence. I stared at it and breathed for good 2-3 minutes letting my thoughts flow with its own pace. Afterwards, I didn’t feel completely resurrected but partially alive which was enough for me to funcion.

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Blurry Morning

Motivational Blib Blob

Woke up with porridgy and blurry mind?

Mental Health SeeSaw

Woke up with a porridgy and blurry mind? Do you feel like you can’t face the day?

It’s just your tired mind sending you signals that you must do something to unload the cargo consisting of worries and problems. You need to make some space for new arrivals.

Have you tried active meditation?

It’s simple, if you are in bed, focus on the surroundings, the softeness of the bedding and the way you are positioned in bed. Next, get up, walk towards the window and look through it. What can you see? Open it, don’t forget about breathing.

Enhale

Exale

and

Look. Focus on every single details. What colour are the walls of the house next to yours? Are there any birds sitting on the roof? Crows, pigeons or Sparrows?

Do you feel any better?

You can do it.

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Mental Cloud

Motivational Blib Blob

How to live with a mental cloud above your head ?

Mental Health SeeSaw

When the mental cloud of being idle comes and grabs your soul making you feel worthless, miserable and unprepared for a day ahead don’t think about yourself in a negagive way. Instead pull through the day by following a list. A to do list is a simple but efficient way of putting your day in order. It doesn’t need to be written down it can stay in your head ( if it doesn’t cause you mentally too much pressure). After ticking one task off the list you will feel a sense of relief and on the top of that you will experience a wave of relaxing sensation. The relaxing sensation derives from the fact that you have made yourself occupied with something else apart from your problems. Putting it in a simpler way you’ve given your mind a well deserved break and you are experiencing benefits of it.

The hardest…

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