Mind & Body

Your mind comes first and body follows after. If ones mind is in a bad state the body will deteriorate. I have neglected both of them over the years mistreating & abusing them mentally and physically. I feel like I have hit the rock bottom again. As a working mother I try to tackle multiple tasks at the same time. I work long hours and my job is of a physical nature. When I come home, spend time with my baby girl, put her to bed I face housework, dinner preparation, mandatory self- care and I just feel so exausted. A cheeky drink seems to relieve exaustion by giving me a false sense of having more strength than I really posses. It also seems to erase anxious thoughts and worries but it’s a short term solution. Does it really help? No !!! There is nothing wrong with a drink or two but for pleasure but not as energy drink. I need to focus on myself more and stop trying tick every single thing off my ‘to do’ list. I feel tired and exausted. The only people who keep me going are my partner and my daughter. I have become very negative. It will hopefully change.

I intend to plan meals in advance, make time to relax in the evening, be more positive by living in the moment without continuous overthinking.

I want to embrace my body and donate clothes that no longer fit me to a charity shop. My life has changed, my body has changed ! Currently, I’m in the new chapter of life. I haven’t lost my identity but I feel like I’m clinging to the past life constantly forgetting that I’m a mum now and have my own family. Donating clothes seems to me like a good start.

Love & peace to you all !!!

New Reality

What has changed in your life?

Mental Health See-Saw

I look at you and I can’t believe that you are my daughter. I feel overwhelmed. I don’t know what to think or how to identify all the feelings which are flooding me through a broken dam of life. Epidural still works wonders therefore I can’t feel any pain ( until 1 day later haha). All I know is that I love you more than I love my life. Since having you I have opened up more to others and have been actively dealing with anxiety without ‘sweeping’ problems under the carpet. Thank you P for making me a better person xxx

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Mummy’s Life

Mummy’s Life…

Mental Health See-Saw

You’ve always worried but when you become a parent you enter the BUSH of different type of worry- it’s constant, it’s there and it won’t leave your side.

You juggle and tackle so many bits and pieces of your newly established existence as a parent. In the end of the day, when everyone is fed, happy and entertained you feel like you’ve just climbed the the top of the Mount Everest but then you think about yourself as a person and you realise you need to do something for yourself otherwise your baby brain will continue to deteriorate. You decide to exercise. After a full day of making sure your baby is well and sound, making the new house with your partner aka Papa John John a livable space and preventing your two mentally distorted cats from killing eachother you go to excercise. Your stamina has long gone and you…

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Enlightenment

Do you overthink?

Mental Health See-Saw

My little beautiful terror is asleep, I should get up and go to do chores but as a sleep deprived mother I have every right to sit down with a GIANT mug of coffee and contemplate.

I want to share with you what I have discovered right now, my brain doesn’t stop overthinking, I always find myself feeling this heavy weight of future prediction. I’m full of ‘what ifs’ and it makes me tired. I’m fed up of trying to be prepared for the worst outcome in every single situation. I just want to relax and go with the flow. I’ve been sitting with a cup of coffee and I have stopped thinking and putting pressure on myself for few minutes and it’s felt good.

My tips of how to do it… I don’t have any yet except this one: stop everything and slow down in order to put yourself…

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Happiness

What does make you happy?

Mental Health See-Saw

We were both tired after a long day and a sleepless night with our daughter. My partner went upstairs with Miss Little Munchkin aka Jumping Bean first, I followed after. When I got upstairs I saw them both sleeping soundly. I stopped for a moment and let my heart fill with joy and happiness of seeing two people whom I love with my whole heart relaxing and resting.

What does make you happy?

I often find out that people feel happy when they surround themselves with materialistic items or money. They forget the importance of emotions and feelings which doesn’t cost a dime.

Stop for a moment, forget about the money and materialistic items and ask yourself what’s really important in your life.

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Rainbow

If you can’t see the rainbow after the storm make one yourself. The fortune is in your own hands and awaiting your approval !!!

Existence

Do you look at other people who seem to fully enjoy their life?

Mental Health See-Saw

Do you look at other people who seem to enjoy their life fully? They appear to be articulate, they bloom with self- confidence and splatter their optimism everywhere they go. ‘It’s highly contagious- this optymistic attire’- you think to yourself. ‘I shall be more like them’- you contemplate. Accidentally you get to know them better and surprisingly this bubble of joyful existence bursts. The magic has ended and the reality has kicked in… but why? How?

Life is made of different elements. Hence it would be simply impossible to stay high and ecstatic all the time (unless you relied on dope- which would be harmful anyway).

People who are naturally more outgoing and carry traits of an extrovert express themselves using social opportunities. These opportunities enable them to relax and unwind. They provide healthy balance for their mental wellbeing. Unsurprisingly, an introvert happily retrievs to their sanctuary doing whatever helps…

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Living in Pain

Every step I take brings me excrutiating pain. I move my body and I experience shattered glass lodged tightly in my back. I remain active despite the pain which makes me question myself-

Am I warrior?

or

Just a stupidly stubborn person who doesn’t give up but pull through the pain.

I’ve honestly had enough being physically restricted by neverending sensation of stubbing in my back.

I also found a new respect for people who suffer from chronic conditions which are accompanied by the pain. This pregnancy has been truly a humbling experience. It’s made me realise that the feeling of being tired is nothing to complain about where there are milions of people who are limited physicaly or bed ridden.

The picture above represents me in pain caused by sciatica. It portrays the current mood, the colour of it and struggles associated with it.

Eating Disorder Prior to Pregnancy

Mental self help for people suffered from an eating disorder prior to pregnancy.

Mental Health See-Saw

You suffered from an eating disorder in the past, you successfully conquered it and moved on with your life but fell pregnant. How would you feel about your body if it started rapidly changing, if you were loosing control over your appearance and panicking about how quickly digits on a weighing scale increase in numbers. It’s a complete, utter and heartbreaking time which suppose to be filled with happy memories.

Are you being irrational?

Yes !!!

Why?

Because everyone knows that the body of an pregnant individual goes through the hormonal storm and a physical transformation. It’s a miracle and a real test of endurance for a person who suffered from an eating disorder in the past.

You are no longer in control and the lack of it puts you down and makes you feel anxious. It’s a truly complicated and tricky situation which causes so much fear and anxiety…

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Dear Twats

Dear Twats,

Dear Twats whom I may have known for a while and who reside on this beautiful and decying planet of Earth. I’ve had enough of your

parasitic,

narcissistic,

delusive

and

false

ways of interacting with other human beings. You are creatures of a betraying nature and most of all you use mental health as the main weapon of your choice. You have a beeping radar directed at people for whom mental health is extremely important. Your narcisitic nature allows you to adjust to people by getting to know them and changing your colours accordingly to their likes and deslikes. Somehow your attire is comparable to a lizard’s skin but you obviously don’t deserve this highly gracious comparison.

I would classify you as a pile of SHIT. A Pile of Shit is a person WHO changes their consistency depending on food eaten during the day.

The Pile of Shit is usually a puddle of foul content of wrongly digested edible matter. It’s like you, you devour people’s soul, you can’t digest it so you violently expel it using your anal & rectal ego and lies. When the conflict arises, you justify all your actions and behaviour blaming it on POOR SELF ESTEEM & BEING LOST.

Oh how sad !!!

Poor you, you are taken care of, carassed with self pity and when the pitty, bumpy surface of a friendship is smooth once again you repeat your offence over and over and over again.

Go back to the sewage.

Not so kind regards,

Victims of Twats in this world