Germs = Cold

Germs= cold?

Mental Health See-Saw

We had spent almost an entire weekend fighting a nasty cold. We still managed to go swimming feeling fairly well. Unfortunately, it triggered an avalanche of cold related symptoms. It was still worth going because in the end of the day a common cold is not the end of the world and I refuse to protect my child from every single draught or bacteria. We had a great time and that’s what matters. Swimming helps your body & mind to relax, ease anxiety and develop gross motor skills in children. P was splasheing in the water and was trying to catch a ball. She made us proud.I had a horrendous anxiety attack on a Friday night. My manager is just a very unhappy person who simply targets every single individual at my workplace. It’s like everyone has a turn of bearing her complaints and unfair treatment. The reality is that…

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The Modern World

Why the modern world is so unfair?

Mental Health See-Saw

Simple and non materialistic things are what matters the most in this life. They enrich your life in many wonderful ways. They say- ‘Love and live because you are truly blessed’ BUT when you lack financial means all of the sudden you and your family’s mental and physical wellbeing is at risk.

There are so many loving and good hearted families with no money. Love for eachother is the only thing which keeps them from giving up. Parents put on a brave face often skipping a meal in order to feed their children. They work hard, they are honest, worried and anxious about tommorow yet they manage to smile for the sake of their children.

They say-‘Live in the present moment.’ Well, that’s a great approach but when you have children you must plan ahead otherwise your children may suffer and you don’t want that to happen. I wish life…

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Pre-emptive Strike of Sorrow

Struck by a pre- emptive strike of sorrow derived from anxiety & panic medley I shall stand proud and withstand the shallow tide.

Happiness

If your happines resides in the most ridiculous and puzzling spots of your mind embrace your uniqueness, make your ideas come true ( like the fella in the picture above) and ignore social regulations.

I Hate Myself

Do I hate myself? No, I don’t hate myself- I love myself  but I used to despise myself with the all mighty heart & soul. I thought I didn’t meet beauty standards and I mentally felt retarded because I’ve been highly sensitive, moody, introverted and scarred due to neglect and emotional abuse which occurred throughout my existence. I was disgusted with the size of my body, uneven colour of my skin, stretchmarks, loose skin, a big bum and funny teeth. I went through it all –  bullying, an eating disorder, anxiety, depression and panic attacks….

Remember, negative childhood doesn’t guarantee you unhappy life, same with the stable nest- it doesn’t protect you from the bad in the world. It depends on us- humans.

It took me a long while to realise it. I blamed everyone but me because I was convinced that my existence was pitiful and cursed. What I didn’t notice was that I was drawn to negative influences. I can compare it to standing in the middle of the motorway and waiting for being hit by a truck. When I decided to stay away from spiteful parasites and put my well-being on the first place things began to change for better.

Nature helped me a lot together with active meditation. Thich Nhat Hanh has been my mentor. He directed me (through his books) towards the path of mentally sober reality which needs to be challenged and constantly stimulated.  The mentally sober reality consist of better, neutral and worse experiences residing in our Universe. It solely depends on us of how we utilize them.

I’ve met good souls including my partner who supports me and understands me. He loves my good sides, emotional quirks and physical appearance – He loves me simply for who I am. Our relationship is based on mutual respect and honesty. He is my life partner whom I love for his true and real self. We are both equal.

I still find myself going through phases of self- pity and despair- especially when I have few obstacles to deal with but I have a better control over it as I know it has been my coping mechanism from as long I can remember. Nobody is perfect 🙂

I’m proud of who I am today and so you should be. We all complex, different and unique.

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Bullets

My soul has been shot 16666666666666666666666  times. The assassin Fate has used  bullets of life. It made me resilient and strong with an impending sense of mortality. 

A Quote

This quote means much to me, it says that we wouldn’t be who we are without those not always pleasant experiences we have been through. We learn from them constantly improving ourselves to become better human creatures.

“There are no beautiful surfaces without terrible depth.”

                                   Friedrich Nietzsche 

My Concrete Shelter

The wine made of fermented grapes with a note of decadence tastes good with a bittersweet chunk of ice cold sorrow. I’m sipping the elixir of sadness while sitting at the oblong charcoal table waiting for the purple skulls to arrive. Purple skulls have one decaying body and 6 heads multiplying by 666. Each of them represents a painful experience and chaos, there is one head among them sticking out bravely, it’s made of a crimson crystal clear material which was dug from the deepest reachable point of the earth therefore it is indestructible. The skull in the middle holds all the positivity and decent memories which has taken place while stomping on the ground. An optimist would say- the unstained beauty of life. I stand up impatiently waiting for my friend to arrive, bored, I reach for a knife and tear into pieces holy books I have been collecting over the years in my strenuous attempt to find a golden key to happiness. They belong to multiple flocks. I tear them apart, shredding them into thin rumpled pieces, I do in a rush to save myself more time to enjoy the last moments of self- pity before the arrival of my dear friend. I hear repetitive knocking at the massive metal door of my ivory suffocated grey concrete shed in the middle of the forest which never has been found or discovered. There are trees, bushes and overgrown weed in the meadow, my so called temple is in the middle of the swamp, so it’s well protected and separated from the rest of the area. I rush to open the door, the force radiating from the skulls hits me, I can’t comprehend it as its of unknown source but I fully embrace it. I leave my concrete shelter and occasionally appear among other human beings with my wisdom made of pieces of life experiences.