Rainbow

If you can’t see the rainbow after the storm make one yourself. The fortune is in your own hands and awaiting your approval !!!

Living in Pain

Every step I take brings me excrutiating pain. I move my body and I experience shattered glass lodged tightly in my back. I remain active despite the pain which makes me question myself-

Am I warrior?

or

Just a stupidly stubborn person who doesn’t give up but pull through the pain.

I’ve honestly had enough being physically restricted by neverending sensation of stubbing in my back.

I also found a new respect for people who suffer from chronic conditions which are accompanied by the pain. This pregnancy has been truly a humbling experience. It’s made me realise that the feeling of being tired is nothing to complain about where there are milions of people who are limited physicaly or bed ridden.

The picture above represents me in pain caused by sciatica. It portrays the current mood, the colour of it and struggles associated with it.

Eating Disorder Prior to Pregnancy

Mental self help for people suffered from an eating disorder prior to pregnancy.

Mental Health See-Saw

You suffered from an eating disorder in the past, you successfully conquered it and moved on with your life but fell pregnant. How would you feel about your body if it started rapidly changing, if you were loosing control over your appearance and panicking about how quickly digits on a weighing scale increase in numbers. It’s a complete, utter and heartbreaking time which suppose to be filled with happy memories.

Are you being irrational?

Yes !!!

Why?

Because everyone knows that the body of an pregnant individual goes through the hormonal storm and a physical transformation. It’s a miracle and a real test of endurance for a person who suffered from an eating disorder in the past.

You are no longer in control and the lack of it puts you down and makes you feel anxious. It’s a truly complicated and tricky situation which causes so much fear and anxiety…

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Body Image in Pregnancy

Body positivity during pregnancy.

Mental Health See-Saw

Body image is such a sensitive subject. You go through different stages in life and your body changes. I could compare it to a flower. When you are a baby you are like a bud then you pace through the mayhem of puberty and you begin to blossom. When you enter adulthood you are blooming with your uniqueness and personal beauty. You may bear scars and marks presented to you by the mighty existence but you are still exceptionally beautiful.

The individual perception of one’s appearance is another matter. You can be an astoundingly stunning lilly but in your own eyes you may look like a wilted and chewed by cats dandelion. You work on your body, you treat it as a temple by eating healthy and working out but….

What if you are physically restricted?

What if your body has been rapidly changing and you don’t have any control…

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Pregnancy & Fear of the Future

Are you pregnant and scared?

Mental Health See-Saw

Can’t you sleep?

Why do you wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety and worries looming over you.?

It’s so stresful to be pregnant and be awoken by the fear. Thinking about an upcoming labour doesn’t help. Being flooded by imaginative thoughts about your funeral based on childbirth are terrifying but absolutely normal.

What do you do to distract yourself and break the pattern of self-destructive thoughts?

Our brain never stops working and it processes thoughts 24/7. When the anxiety strikes it acts like a net which catches and traps a thought, we begin dwell on it, we realise that it’s unpleasant and we try to get rid of it as quickly as we can. The problem is that this newly captured thought could be compared to a tick who has already embedded itself in our skin. Pulling it out won’t solve the problem but it may…

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Pregnant Mental Chaos

First hand experience of pregnant mental chaos…

Mental Health See-Saw

When you are trying for a baby and you are first time parent you read a lot, you anticipate and imagine what’s going to be like to carry a child under your heart and give birth to them. You go through different scenarious, you even dare to think that you are strong enough to be in control of your body & mind throughout the whole pregnancy and others who can’t cope are weak attention seekers.

You do a pregnancy test and you find out that you are in fact pregnant. You are overwhelmed and overjoyed with this wonderful news. You can’t believe your own eyes so you take one, two, three, four tests to just make sure that you are REALLY pregnant. You find a group of women on the internet who advise you that it’s best to control the raising level of pregnancy hormone by purchasing three digital pregnancy…

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Cranberry Juice in Pregnancy World

Pregnancy & mental health

Mental Health See-Saw

I’m pregnant and I suffer from anxiety. I drink cranberry juice instead of gin. I do miss the mighty gin.

Two days ago I felt like my world came crushing down because I have experienced the worst anxiety and panic attack in years. It resulted for me in sobbing and weeping uncontrollably for two days. I convinced myself that my fiance would die in the car accident, that my mother would die due to the heart attack caused by long term family problems, that my father would go back to abusing alcohol and that my brother would commit suicide while being incarcerated. My head felt fuzzy, I was in a daze, it felt like something clicked in my brain and pushed me towards realms of depression. In the past, I allowed myself to slip in to deceiving arms of depression from anxiety and panic attacks periods. I know how this…

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Pregnancy Brain

Pregnancy is a strange mental and physical state. All of the sudden you feel like some alien force has taken over every single thing you were previously in charge of. If I could compare my brain to an object I would happily compare it to this partially burnt gate called ‘Franky’ who proudly poses for the picture. I’m not saying that a pregnancy is not a miracle- it’s a miraculous and wonderful but freaky occurrence which sucks up every ounce of your energy you’ve had spared leaving you functioning like a Zombie. And yes, every pregnancy is different, some find it easy, some find it difficult and some loose the will to live. I stick with the third option. They say it will pass, it will get easier… Will it really? As far as I know I’m growing a human being inside my body and soon I will be responsible for their entire life until they mature. While I feel rotten to the core I embrace my partially burned and scorched pregnancy brain. Yes, I still manage to find happiness in my newly given sweet and wonderful misery 😊

Life is a Journey

The journey which has welcomed a new cat and a little bubba growing inside me. Our family is expanding.

Mittens is beginning to get along with our new Italian female gangster Meg. Meg is very playful and looks forward to Mittens joining in her hyperactive ventures around the house. He is still a bit reluctant.

I’m slowly adjusting to pregnancy symptoms and trying to stay awake ( especially in the middle of the day 😅🤣). Ian has been very helpful trying to accomodate my needs and reminding me that I do need to slow down a bit.