Depression

Life is real

When you fall apart, pick up the broken pieces, clean up, take your time to heal and move on. Life goes on so are you & your Inner- Self. 

Remember, don’t rush… give yourself enough time to recover- 1 day, 1 week, 1 month , 1 year… Being hurt, loosing someone who was your partner or a family member, having a broken heart due to abandonment, loosing a job  or simply falling into a whirlpool of depression caused by the pressure of modern life have one thing in common- the need of time to heal. 

You are wonderful human being and even though it may not seem like it right now…life will get better as constant is only change ๐Ÿ˜Š Don’t give up and talk out loud about your feelings and emotions. 

I’m here to listen.  

Poop

Precious Experiences

A little tiny dwarf keeps digging holes in the ground to bury other dwarves’ accidental poops.  They poop, let her know about the fresh & smelly delivery and expect her to get rid of the turd. The tiny creature considers them to be her friends but for some strange reason they are nowhere to be seen when she has a toilet situation to be assisted with. She thinks she helps them but she doesn’t know that they take advantage of her caring nature. It’s easy to fall into the trap of exploiting dwarves. 

Few years ago, I thought doing a lot for others would help me to fill my life with pisitive people. I was very wrong. I filled my life not with the happy & loving beings but preying piranhas. It took me a while to realise the cause of my misery. When I did it I knew that I needed to work on my assertiveness and self- worth. It helped. Don’t be that little miss, be assertive and look after yourself. 

Peace within my Soul

Precious Experiences

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m awaiting for the interview. For a highly sensitive person like me it’s a huge challenge because my brain rushes and processes milion thoughts and possibilities at the same time. It leaves me with a head which feels like a ticking bomb from the Bomberman. The factors that contribute to this state of mind are not only internal but also external. Fair enough for my brain to rush with thoughts like a speedy oyster running away from the coyote but on the top of that lovely chocolate layer of thoughts I have the whole external world and happenings bursting with joy and happily contributing  to my well being making it feel like a rollercoaster. 

How do I cope ?

I sit down, look and listen. I acknowledge the fact that I’m in the present moment. I can feel my feet touching the ground. I enjoy breathing in and out. I use my eyes to observe people and surroundings. I listen to their feet moving in a fast and steady pace, I can hear a piano playing tunes in the background. I’m one unique individual who cherishes the fact of being alive.

Peace & Love can conquer the bad and bring back the good. Fate & Universe is all we need. Active meditation is a powerful tool to heal and help to move forward even if you feel like the Bomberman ๐Ÿ˜Š

My Well

Precious Experiences

I imagine life to be an endless well without a bottom. Someone placed you just on the edge of it before you were born and then after  birth pushed you down into a never-ending hole wishing you – ”The best of luck’. This is where your life begins. You constantly fall at a speed that changes frequently. A slower pace is equal to good periods of your existence and a faster speed means problematic occurrences. 

Few years ago I was afraid of my well because I had experienced so much negativity during childhood, puberty and early adulthood. My father is a recovering alcoholic, my mother suffered from anxiety & depression, I had been bullied at school for three years, I had been married for five years to a person who had abused me emotionally and physically, I had suffered from an eating disorder and a depression and finally I have had anxiety since I was seven – years old. It occasionally affects my speech. 

I know very well that other people have struggled with a lot more than I ever did. Please, remember that everyone has their own limit and different happenings affect them in various ways. I’m not looking for any compassion but I want to share with you what I have learnt from my experiences.

  I tried so hard to run away from life . I hid from it, I looked for a reason of me being unhappy but I forgot about one important aspect- it was me who put myself in certain positions and situations because I focused so much on being lonely, sad & unhappy. 

One day, I woke up, looked in the mirror and told myself  – ‘ You are great, beautiful, talented because you are unique. There is no other person like you on the planet Earth. You can sob and complain about your life or change it.’

It took me three years to free myself from my ex husband. It took me another two years to gain back my confidence and happiness by appreciating the presence and what the Universe has given me. I keep in touch with my parents. I don’t hold any grudges. It’s not a fairy tale, my life hasn’t magically changed. My existence  is still far from being perfect. I struggle with things, I have problems like everybody else but I’m lucky because I’ve found myself.  I have discovered the appreciation and gratitude for simple things in life. My inner self  who had been suffocated and strangled by my fears for atleast 15 years  is finally present in my life. It consoles my soul and soothes my heart. 

The Unknown

Life is real

I make love with my fears, I engage with my dreams seeing everything in a different magical and charming dimension. I hate reality where everything is black or white…what a boredom…
Please, take me home to the place of crimson passion and poison-less peace…but…oh wait…
What IF it turns into hatred descending into sewage of wasted time filled with pain, ground into ash, wet with hollow screams, salty tears and cold sweat, mixed into mud, dried into a solid mass resembling a pain rock I will live with attached to my heart forever.
What IF…

You will never know if you don’t try.